Sometimes I hear things. Not through my ear, but in my brain. I cannot prove to you where it comes from, but I know. I always know.
I think we all have a Knowing inside of us. Glennon Doyle talks about this Knowing in her book Untamed. My resistance has always been in listening to the Knowing. I have blocked that part out for most of my life and I think that’s when the pain really starts to creep in.
Pain of all kinds sets in when we resist our true calling and what has been written in our hearts. You know, ignoring that THING that the depths of your soul knows you are here to do? And maybe you’re like me and you say “when I know how it all maps out, I will do it immediately.” What I have learned is that day will NEVER COME.
We must step out small action by small action out and TRUST that we will be carried.
For me, I knew about the Knowing and ignored it. I knew about the Calling and since I didn’t know exactly what it was, what it looked like or what it meant, I tried to make concessions. I would share little fragments of my gifts through my work and through my relationships but I’d never really fully commit to answering the call. I never really asked for guidance and I definitely wasn’t about to fully surrender (what are you, nuts!?).
As a result, pain set in. Physical pain. Emotional pain. Spiritual pain. Lots and lots of pain and very little flow.
Right now, I’m reading The Great Work of Your Life by Steven Cope. In the book, he shares stories and examples from world changers who have the Knowing and answered the Call. The timing on opening the book has been incredibly serendipitous, like a lot of things in my life over the past nine months.
I ordered the book three and a half years ago and it has sat on my shelf, collecting dust. Over the past nine months, I have fretted and resisted whatever this next chapter is and questioned my Purpose. But along the way, I’ve made small choices that logically make no sense. One of those choices has been signing up for Yoga teacher training. I am SO EXCITED.
But back to the book…
In the book, Mr. Cope shares a lot of examples about being close to your purpose but not truly following your purpose or Dharma as he often calls it. That’s been me. Maybe that’s been you too?
Maybe you too have been using your gifts, talents and abilities and you’ve had some success. Maybe you’ve even really hit it out of the park. You are viewed as smart, capable and talented. You are respected.
And yet, you know there’s that thing that you’re resisting. And for good reason. You have bills to pay, people to take care of, a career to keep on track, an image to keep up. I really get it.
But what about the flow? What about losing yourself in your work (calling) so much that everything around you and in you feels like its flowing?
I have read about flow, but until I lost the professional image that I clung to so tightly, flow has been hard to find. I am not sure I’m fully in it, but I’m getting closer and I am committed to following it. With nearly half my life likely over, my greatest fear is living a life that doesn’t matter. Of doing ALL OF THE THINGS and not doing the ONE THING I’m created to do.
“May my path, regardless of the difficulty, be smooth in all the right places.”
Committing to my Dharma feels terrifying to be honest. So unknown, like jumping off a cliff and not knowing if I’m going to fly or fall. But I go back to knowing that the pain is in the resistance, not in the flow.
I know this is true because I have lived it. If this resonates with you, know that the next step is always right on time.
The next step is always right on time.